It's easier to hurt the ones you love
by Akira Sato
Summary: In which Sasuke goes insane in his love for Naruto. Just how far is he willing to go to earn the blond boys affection? Angst and personal demons. . .possible mpreg? I dunno yet.
1. Prologue

A/N: Please read and review. Chapter One is almost done 0 o''

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_Prologue_

_Darkness.  
_

_Complete and total darkness—that's what has become of my life._

_How, when, why the shadows over came me, I have no idea. I only know that if someone, somewhere, were to make an effort to reach out and light my way, I might not…_

_I might not be in this situation._

_As I lay myself down for another cold lonely night I can't stop myself from thinking back to my days in the village. Their faces flash through my mind so clearly. "Naruto… Kakashi…" I whisper. "How many years has it been since I've seen you? Five years…ten years…oh how I wish I could look into those clear blue eyes one more time." _

_There in the darkness I could have sworn I could see the boy looking at me. His bright orange jump suit, idiotic smile, and ridiculous hair style… I blink a couple of times and my vision disappears leaving a dull ache in my heart. "All that's stopping me from coming back…" _

_I didn't want to finish that sentence. _

_Maybe I could trick myself again into thinking that that wasn't the only reason I couldn't go back. Tears welled in my eyes as the painful thoughts continued. "Naruto…will you ever forgive me for-"_

_I fall silent sensing something move…then footsteps…then a familiar chakra signature. I bolt upright seeing the flicker of a flame. My heart's beating painfully against my ribcage, my breath coming in short bursts, my palms begin to sweat as I stare up into the perfect face of…_

"_Naruto…" _


	2. chapter one

I didn't want to do it. I didn't even think I could do it. But I did and I don' regret it. Naruto was going to be heartbroken; he loved Sakura just as much as I loved him. I only had that one night with her to try and make him jealous, to make him fight me; it was the only way I could get him close to me. To touch him without him realizing anything. But when she came to me a few weeks ago and told me the 'happy' news I panicked. If she told Naruto I would lose any chance of being with him. He would tell me to go be with Sakura. I didn't want her.

I don't know why I picked the flower vase, maybe because it was close or perhaps because it was heavy or would be easy to hide; whatever the reason it worked perfectly. One strike, one shatter, and one scream and it was over. I had killed one of the few people I considered a friend. Once the ringing in my ears had stopped I fully realized what I had done. A whole new wave of terror washed over me. I had to hide her body, hide it in a place where no one would think to look.

Then it hit me, with a smirk I waited patiently for night fall, pacing back and forth through her house, pausing now and then to talk to the dead Sakura "So, you thought you could have my child?" I had asked her "You were so happy that you could revive the Uchiha clan? Well I'm sorry my friend, that is not your job." I turned her head to the side so I could gaze down at her pale beauty. "Your job is to keep quiet about this whole thing. Shhh" I pressed my finger to her cold lips "You don't need to worry, I'll take care of everything."

Of course I was shocked at the sound of my voice. How could I be so calm at a time like this? How could my mind think so clearly? It was as if someone else had taken control of my thoughts and movements. "It's almost time for us to move, Just wait for the signal." All these sadistic words flowing from my lips, I just couldn't figure it out. But anything was better than being caught and not being with my beloved fox.

About another quarter of an hour passed before the signal finally came. The streets had darkened and the lamps flickered into life. The village curfew, I h ad thought it was a stupid idea when the Hokage pressed it upon us but now…now it became my life saver. Just to be safe I waited an extra five maybe ten minutes before hoisting sakura's body into my arms. With first steps into the crisp night air my senses became even more alert. I was aware of the crisp smell of rain on leaves, the flowers blooming two houses down, and the dog barking so many streets away.

I kept to the back streets. Foolish guards only regularly patrolled the main streets; they wanted to get home as much as I did. My training as a ninja had taught me to keep my heart rate calm and act as if nothing was wrong. There were many times on missions were we had to dispose of our enemies in such a way.

I had carried Sakura like a new bride, her head resting against the nape of my neck. Over the threshold and into the deserted Uchiha district we went. A gentle wind blew as we continued our way in silence. It would have been romantic, what with the full moon as our only source of light; casting a thin silver glow over everything around us, but the lifeless woman in my arms kept those feelings away. I felt nothing at that moment…if anything I felt the bitterness of a stone cold heart.

I headed for Cemetery Hill near the back of the district. It was the final resting place for all but two of the Uchiha Clan. No one came there so who would think to search for a single unmarked grave? The phrase _dead men tell no tales_ ran through my mind as I dug Sakura's grave next to one of my cousins. How wrong it was; all of the people there had to be incinerated least someone steal them away and learn the secrets of the clan. Sakura was just one more to the list of secrets. She would be buried as a pile of ashes like the others.

I had taken several deep breaths before placing up the genjutsu so no one would see the flames. "We shall meet again Sakura." I whispered as I made the hand signs "but not for a long while" And with my heart pounding against my ears once more, the chakra rose from my chest, out my mouth, creating the signature fireball of the Uchiha's.

It had taken just a few seconds for the full effect of the Jutsu to take place. As soon as my eyes had adjusted to the darkness once more I released the genjutsu and started the task of covering the ashes with soil. I wasn't as talented with earth style Jutsu, so I had to leave the ground as it was. Soon enough the grass would spread and grow; covering the only trace of Sakura's murder.

"You should have known that my love was not for you." I knelt and traced my fingers back and forth lightly over the dirt "And now, because of you, I am not worthy to speak the name of the man I hold so dear. This end was far too kind for you." Ice cold bitterness filled my words as they faded away into the night.

I had sighed deeply when the deed was done. Then, turning on my heels I jumped the rooftops to avoid the several guards left patrolling the streets. I dragged my tired and shaking body to my apartment and flopped into a dead sleep on the couch. My mind thinking only of the blond boy I was to see the next day.

How could I have noticed the pair of dark blue eyes watching me from afar? How could I have known that soon I would have to flee for my life and for the love of my life? If I had had just a little more time I would have been able to explain everything. He would have come willingly into my arms, rested his head against my chest, and seen that that was meant to be.


	3. Chapter two

I woke the next day with an unbelievably stiff neck and a horrible taste in my mouth. The grit of grave soil crunched between my teeth. I gagged a couple times and rushed to the bathroom to wash the horrible memory of the night before away. I watched as the dirt and sweat and a bit of blood ran down the drain of my shower. The feeling hadn't returned to my body…it was if time itself had stopped for me, or at the very least, slowed down.

I stepped out of the warm safety of the shower and walked into the small kitchen in nothing but a towel tied around my waist. That was mistake number one for as I started to make myself a cup of coffee like I did every morning there came a frantic pounding at my front door. The pounding and the incompressible babble gave me such a scare that I let my mug slip and shatter on the floor. My hand flew to my chest, covering the rapidly beating heart just below the skin.

I cleared my throat and took several deep breaths before I called out "u-um...Doors open! " I hopped to make it to the bedroom before the person opened the door but, as unfortunate situations go, that one wasn't so bad. The towel became untied as I ran and blew away from me as a draft of wind came in the room with the opening of the door.

"Oh Sasuke!" Naruto had started to scream before fully he took in the full glory of my nude body. He stopped dead in his tracks, mouth open, eyes widened. "Y-you . . . you . . . YOU PLANNED THIS!!" he accused.

I felt my face drain of all color when he said those words. How could he have known that I killed Sakura this soon!? I had made sure that I didn't leave a trace behind! "Naruto, Naruto wait! I can explain everything!" My hands flew up to show my innocents. That was mistake number two; I let Naruto see the guilt clear as day.

"I didn't mean to kill Saukra!"

"You knew I loved you!"

We both screamed out at the same moment. The moments that followed where cloaked with a thick tense ringing silence as we stared at each other. It was Naruto who made the first move. His eyes looked me over once or twice before stepping in and closing the door.

"What did you just say?" He asked. His words were clear, precise, and accusing. With each step forward his eyes narrowed into slits and there was no way for me to be sure but I could have sworn I saw them flash to red. The wheels were turning in his mind, as each second passed his face fell from anger to shocked horror. "Last night… I was going to tell you—"

But what he was going to tell not once but twice got cut off by a hard three knocks at the door. "Sasuke," Kakashi's smooth voice called out "Sasuke we need to talk"

I groaned as he turned the door handle. I was naked! If he had come in then all of team seven would have seen me in the buff. Naruto though had other plans. He crossed the room and bolted the door shut. To this day I still don't know where or how he learned to seal something; it had never been his strong point when we were at the academy.

He turned back to me, eyes narrow slits, and strangely enough he kept his eyes locked on mine instead of going down to my penis (mine kept going to his). I took the silence as an opportunity to go and grab the towel that had blown away to the edge of the couch and tie it around my waist.

"Naruto, listen, I can explain—"I started as I straightened up but when I looked back at him his whole expression had changed. His eyes were soft and wide-crystal blue like the purest of waters, his sun kissed tan skin glistened with just a touch of sweat…and his hair, I will never forget how perfect his hair was. Words cannot describe it. "I-I-I"

"I don't know what's going on here Sasuke," Naruto interrupted "And I don't want to know…" The pain in his voice hurt worse than any physical attack. "But I think you need to leave. Leave this house, this village, and…leave me." His hands balled into fists as he struggled to go on "I loved you. I trusted you. And you went behind my back…you…"

I held up my hand to stop him. It was my turn to talk. I sank down onto the sofa and confessed everything. I confessed my love for him and I explained that I hoped he understood I did what I did for us. I was caught so what else could I do? I told him that she was pregnant, I told him that had killed her and how and where to find the remains of her body. And as I spoke I realized that he was right; I couldn't stay in that village any longer, I had to leave.

At the end of everything I had expected him to just turn around and leave. But he didn't. Naruto stayed there, in my living room, as I dressed and packed a few personal belongings.

I stood before him; no tears fell from either of us. "As a last request…may I have one kiss?" It was a long shot but I needed it. I needed to know that the love between us had been real once.

He stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on the back of my head, pulling me closer. When my lips met his, a shock of pure ecstasy ran through my body. I melted into the most passionate kiss of my life, my breath caught in my chest; my hands explored Naruto's toned body as his explored mine. I could feel myself getting hard, I didn't stop it. I thought that if we made love he would see that we're better off together but as I became fully hard and moaned against his lips he pulled back.

"Good bye sasuke." He said with a sad smile and took a step back.

"Wait! No! Naruto!" I screamed and tried to grab him back to me only to have him vanish in a cloud of smoke. I stood horrified; I hyperventilated, and gave dry sobs. It was a clone. Naruto had left long before leaving a clone to say his goodbyes.

I grabbed my heart and fell to my knees, an agonizing scream built up in my throat but no sound came. I couldn't take it! The pain was too great!

I fell onto my side and let myself slip away into darkness. My arms wrapped around my violently shaking body out of instinct, my legs curled up close to my chest.

Then somewhere in the darkness of my soul I sensed something stir. It made my tremors stop, my mind become clear, and my body relaxed. I wasn't in control anymore; whatever it was had taken control of my body and gently stroked the side of my body with my hand. _"Just sleep"_ A voice said in my ear _"I'm here for you. I'll never leave you."_ And for some reason I believed it. It was calming like a mother's voice. I surrendered myself to it and slipped away into sleep.

That was my third and final mistake.


	4. Chapter three

A/N: I'm sorry this sucks. I have a small case of writers block.

The birds were my alarm clock the next morning. I stretched and stood beside the window and looked out, for the last time, at my home. Outside it was a peaceful and normal- pink and orange sunrise, fresh green leaves on the surrounding trees blowing in the light breeze, and several small rain puddles dotted the ground here and there from another spring shower.

Tears welled in my eyes but did not fall. Something held me back. An odd sort of feeling washed over me, it raised the hair on my neck and arm. "Who's there?!" I called and spun around…no one was there. My ears were met with only the sounds of a typical morning. "Okay…probably just half asleep still."

I tore myself away from the window and prepared my "_last meal_." All the while I had this sick depressing feeling in the pit of my stomach. I tried to eat the cold cereal that I had prepared but it just felt like a rock in my gut.

I couldn't take that my only company were the harsh memories of the night before, so I pushed away the bowl, gathered up my things, and headed out before the village started to wake. Several people who had early mornings eyed me as I passed. I paid little attention. I wanted to get out before the questions started to really fly.

"Good morning Sasuke. Where you headed off to so early?" A voice had asked, snapping me from my thoughts.

Mentally I kicked myself for not going out a different way. It was too late though so I just smiled to the guard and said "Oh no where special, just out for a bit of personal training." I took a moment's break and leaned against the small building. "I hope I don't need to sign some sort of paper? I'm in a bit of a hurry." I laughed lightly; in the old days, when there were more of us, the Uchiha's were finicky about paperwork.

It made me sick to have to keep up that cheerful act. My face started protesting keeping up the fake smile. "Look, I had better go." I hissed "Have a lot of work to do". I didn't give him a chance to reply before I was gone. Out of the village.

I threw down my bag with frustration I didn't know I was harboring. "God! What the fuck!?" I yelled; my hands held tight to my hair; eyes closed I tried to steady my breathing to calm myself down. I blocked most of the outside noises; I had to see if I could somehow see inside myself. I had to find out what was taking me over.

Nothing came to me as the feeling of hate slowly ebbed away. I shook it off and told myself that it was nothing but stress. I needed to relax and take my mind off of everything that had happened in the past 72 hours.

But as I walked through towns for the rest of the day I realized that I couldn't be around people without stirring awake a feeling of hate. I didn't really want to draw attention to myself from strange people so I chose to spend the night outside, alone, under the stars. It was a cool night but not so cold that I would freeze. I set my pack down on a small hill side and, using it as a pillow, I drifted off to sleep.

I had an odd dream that night, that I was home; in the Uchiha district, starring close up at myself in the bathroom mirror. I tipped forward, fell through the glass and into the darkness of my iris. I was suffocating, a pressure pushed against me from all angles in a cold so bitter it penetrated deep into my very core.

I literally jumped awake. My breathing fast and painful, I put a hand to my chest to feel the beating of my heart. "_You weren't breathing," _Said the familiar voice in my ear, "_Had to wake you somehow."_

I stayed silent for several minutes listening to the night life around me. It got louder and louder and louder. But just when the noise reached the peak of a crescendo, and I thought I was going to scream, everything died. The stars, the insects, the wind, everything vanished.

"Now this I can get used to" I whispered as I sat back with a sigh of relief, closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep once more.

When I woke again the sun was up. The birds were singing. The wind and insects had returned.

But none of that mattered.

As soon as my eyes opened I let out an ear shattering scream.


	5. Chapter four

_A/N: Is it just me or has the quality of this story gone downhill since the first chapter? My apologies if this chapter jumps around too much…I'm not the greatest one with smooth transitions…._

Piercing electric blue eyes stared down at me. A cold wet nose pressed against my cheek. I screamed and kicked frantically "Get away!" I shouted stupidly at it. I must have looked foolish so I quickly stopped the kicking and screaming. I punched the thing in the nose and pulled myself back.

I expected a low threatening growl in response to being punched on the nose but it didn't come. Instead, a soft whimper of pain met my ears. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and took a closer look at my would-be attacker.

What I had taken to be a small wolf was, in reality, a Siberian husky, and a cute one at that, just out of puppyhood. I was sure I didn't look half as foolish as I felt at that moment. I chuckled and offered it my hand to sniff. "What are you doing out here?" I asked before I could stop myself. With a soft groan and a roll of the eyes I added "Like I expect you to answer."

It licked my fingers and nudged up against my hand. It wanted to be petted and I was desperate for companionship, we were a perfect match.

I decided to call her Evan after a woman who gave me a little money when I visited town. I used it to make sure my new friend was healthy and well fed. I didn't want to be left alone with that strange beast inside me. I grew to hate the little voice that would speak to me in the silence of the night.

I never did settle down in a house or apartment. It was still warm and I enjoyed looking at the stars at night. But, near the end of fall we chose one place to stay in throughout the winter. About twenty feet up on a cliff side we made a small cave. There were plenty of trees for fire wood, a small entrance to keep out the wind, and we didn't have to go far to a stream to get fish. Though once the snow hit we found out that the supply diminished.

As I laid myself down for another cold lonely night I couldn't stop myself from thinking back to my days in the village. Their faces flashed through my mind so clearly. "Naruto… Kakashi…" I whispered. "How long has it been since I've seen you? It feels like Five years… or ten … I wish I could look into those clear blue eyes one more time."

There in the darkness I could have sworn I saw the boy looking at me. His bright orange jump suit, idiotic smile, and ridiculous hair style… I blinked a couple of times and my vision disappeared leaving a dull ache in my heart. "All that's stopping me from coming back…"

I couldn't finish that sentence.

Maybe I could have tricked myself again into thinking that that wasn't the only reason I couldn't go back if it wasn't for Sakura's last words ringing in my head. _"No! Don't do it! Your baby-"_Tears welled in my eyes as the painful thoughts continued. "Naruto…will you ever forgive me for-"

Then I fell silent sensing something move… I heard footsteps…then picked up on a familiar chakra signature. I bolted upright seeing the flicker of a flame. My heart was beating painfully against my ribcage, my breath came in short bursts; my palms began to sweat as I stared up into the perfect face of…

"Naruto…"

I blinked several more times to make sure I wasn't just seeing things. He never left. Naruto was there! Right there with me in that damp cold cave in the middle of the night! I couldn't speak to him, my mind was completely useless.

It was Naruto that broke the silence. "Tell me the truth." He said softly. His words were as ice cold as the wind outside.

Evan woke shortly after his words. She growled low, deep in the back of her throat. Could she sense my fear? My sorrow? My love?

"Hush Evan." I put my hand on top her head and scratched her ears. "Naruto, why are you here? "

"I said, to find out the truth," He answered. "… We know Sakura was pregnant so why did you kill her?" his words held no hurt. He simply did just want to know the truth, the cold hard facts.

"_Ah, foolish boy," _The little voice in my ear whispered "_Don't tell him the truth. Have you forgotten what he did to you? The kiss that meant so much to you meant nothing to him. He left you alone with __**me**__. Your heart belongs to __**me**__! This boy means to harm you! Kick him out; watch him fall to the Earth! Kill him! GET AWAY FROM HIM!" _

I must have had a glazed look about me because Naruto's sharp "Sasuke?!" brought me back to his world with a jolt. I swallowed hard and absentmindedly took my hand from Evan's head and put it on my left shoulder. It was a way to guard my heart. "Sorry Naruto, but I can't explain things to you…you wouldn't understand." I didn't look at him. I stared off straight ahead seeing nothing yet, at the same time, seeing everything. Darkness blurred the edges of my vision.

"What wouldn't I understand?" Naruto demanded to know. "I know that Sakura was pregnant and I'm guessing it was yours. I know that you killed her, burned her, and buried her. You wouldn't have done that if you didn't care. You would have—"

"You wouldn't understand that I did it because I love you." I interrupted. I let the silence linger for a minute before going on. "I slept with Sakura to make you mad so that you would fight me. I wanted to get close to you without…" I cut off. I felt suddenly sick. The look on Naruto's face was one I had never seen before. "I-I didn't know what I was doing." I pushed Evan down off my lap and watched as she went to investigate Naruto. Something was building up in me again, exactly like when I was talking to the Konoha guard. I wanted to lash out. I wanted to scream at him to get out of my home instead of playing with my broken heart. What was he really doing here?

'_Tell me the truth.'_ The words echoed inside my pulsing head. I combed back my hair as if the words would stick to my fingers. "I wanted you to love me back…" My heart was beating painfully against my chest again. I pulled my knees up to my chin in yet another vain attempt to protect myself.

'_Tell me the truth.'_ it echoed again. "I don't know what you're expecting of me." I whispered to myself as tears formed in my eyes. "I'm so numb, Naruto . . . Naruto . . ."

I felt hands on my shoulders. "Sasuke" Naruto's voice called out to me. "Sasuke, come back to me. I love you too. I wanted to tell you so many times."

"_Then why didn't you?" _ The words just weren't in my head this time. They were spoken out loud to him. _"Why did you leave? Why did you leave that night?!" _ I was on my feet before I the words left my mouth. _"All I wanted was a kiss! I killed the bitch for you! So that WE could be together!" _

Evan barked loudly and I took a deep breath and said "Help me…there's this voice inside my head that won't leave me alone and…and I'm not sure I want it to leave." I was sure of only one thing at that moment. I just wanted to feel Naruto's arms around me. I pulled him tight to me. I never wanted to let go. "I'm sorry Naruto. I'm so sorry."

"_No you're not. If we hadn't killed her you wouldn't be here with him in your arms. You would be back 'home' with the pink bitch by your side and a crying annoying baby in your arms. You should thank me for helping you! You're a worthless coward who was too afraid to admit that he was in love with a boy! If it hadn't been for me…" _

"That's enough." I whispered out loud to it. "Naruto, I love you." I must have said those words fifty times a day but when I said them that time I felt lighter than air. Even if he didn't love me back I knew that I could face the world with my head held high.

Naruto pulled back from me, his blue eyes alive. I understood that that was the truth he was seeking. "Then come back home where you belong." He laughed lightly as Evan jumped up his leg "Yes, you're welcome to come home too. There's just one thing Sasuke."

"What's that?" I asked happily as I sat with him on my lap.

"I have to place you under arrest." He said solemnly.

My smile fell away, I still felt like I was on top of the world but in the back of my mind the nasty little voice was laughing softly.


End file.
